In the past when I've created a blog there was some sort of theme.
A "something" specific I wanted to talk about, or speak too. I'll admit, often as not, that's been ego based. "Here I am being spiritual," "Here I am doing this experiment and perhaps if I can make it work I can make some money at it."
Having crested 40 in 2015, and now about to enter 2016.... there's just a different vibe.
The vibe has been evolving for the past few weeks. The vibe has been moving from how I project myself externally, to more of an internal mode. It's about becoming me focused in a way where it really is about me, and not about other people. It's become more about truly being in love with myself, and excellent self care.
At least that's the hope.
Even today as I sat reflecting on creating this blog and how I wanted to encapsulate what I've been feeling in words, I found myself doubting. I wanted "Beauty" to be my background. I typed that in and was bombarded with a ton of young women, with... short chins, LOL. It triggered me in two ways... First, I've been struggling with aging. I've been fortunate that I've always been "pretty." I could pack on the weight, but my face remained attractive. I've noticed of late what I read someone somewhere related to as being "Orange Peel Skin." I know I'm the only one who sees it, or how my facial skin isn't as tight as it use to be. I still have no wrinkles, etc., but.... it's something that took me from the ideal in the last post (seeing myself as precious and valuable), to feeling like utter shit about myself. The other funny thing that triggered me was that I noticed everyone had dainty chins. I. Do. Not. My Mom had a great chin. Mine is long. It bugs me. I have the long face gene that pops up in the family at times.
The thing is... these two ideas... took me from a very centered vibe of "Taking care of me," to self ridicule and pain.
The funny thing is that when I go into that mode, it's exactly when I don't see myself as precious, and don't treat myself as such.
So this will be a process. A practice. It's odd to think of being kind to yourself, and caring for yourself as a discipline, but for me at least, that's what it feels a bit like.
So the why of this blog... back to topic... Mainly it's just to note down my thoughts, my process from time to time when I feel inspired to do so. No big ideals. No grand subtext. Just Me.
A "something" specific I wanted to talk about, or speak too. I'll admit, often as not, that's been ego based. "Here I am being spiritual," "Here I am doing this experiment and perhaps if I can make it work I can make some money at it."
Having crested 40 in 2015, and now about to enter 2016.... there's just a different vibe.
The vibe has been evolving for the past few weeks. The vibe has been moving from how I project myself externally, to more of an internal mode. It's about becoming me focused in a way where it really is about me, and not about other people. It's become more about truly being in love with myself, and excellent self care.
At least that's the hope.
Even today as I sat reflecting on creating this blog and how I wanted to encapsulate what I've been feeling in words, I found myself doubting. I wanted "Beauty" to be my background. I typed that in and was bombarded with a ton of young women, with... short chins, LOL. It triggered me in two ways... First, I've been struggling with aging. I've been fortunate that I've always been "pretty." I could pack on the weight, but my face remained attractive. I've noticed of late what I read someone somewhere related to as being "Orange Peel Skin." I know I'm the only one who sees it, or how my facial skin isn't as tight as it use to be. I still have no wrinkles, etc., but.... it's something that took me from the ideal in the last post (seeing myself as precious and valuable), to feeling like utter shit about myself. The other funny thing that triggered me was that I noticed everyone had dainty chins. I. Do. Not. My Mom had a great chin. Mine is long. It bugs me. I have the long face gene that pops up in the family at times.
The thing is... these two ideas... took me from a very centered vibe of "Taking care of me," to self ridicule and pain.
The funny thing is that when I go into that mode, it's exactly when I don't see myself as precious, and don't treat myself as such.
So this will be a process. A practice. It's odd to think of being kind to yourself, and caring for yourself as a discipline, but for me at least, that's what it feels a bit like.
So the why of this blog... back to topic... Mainly it's just to note down my thoughts, my process from time to time when I feel inspired to do so. No big ideals. No grand subtext. Just Me.
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